I cringed as I wrote the word “self love” in the subject line of this note.

For years, I told myself this topic was “trite” and “nebulous,” meant only for bizarre yoga classes and coachy-coachy life coaches.

…Until I realized that I didn’t learn how to love myself. I made an audio about it here.

Why? Because life was fairly easy. And conflict is often what challenges us to rise to the occasion of loving ourselves. In short, I didn’t have to love myself because things were good.

So what’s it look like when someone loves himself or herself? I talk a lot about this in my audio, and I’ve been working on this!

It looks like boundaries. It looks like creating space to hear our innermost thoughts and pains. It looks like taking the day off when your body says it’s tired… Sometimes it even looks like ending romantic relationships or letting businesses go.

Self–love is not for the weak; it’s for growth warriors who are willing to visit their pain and give it a voice.

A few points I want to make here:

1.    If you’re not listening to your pain, you’re abandoning yourself. Some would call it your “inner child,” I’d just call it your core self. Your pain is a messenger if you’re willing to listen to it; it’s the most powerful resource for you to course-correct in your life. Self-abandonment is a topic I really wanted to dive into throughout my audio, because it’s so prevalent.

2.    Your pain needs your love. Far too often, I’ve seen clients push their pain down in an attempt to disown it, or in hopes it’ll go away. Instead, it often becomes an illness, or a delayed sob story that could have been prevented if it was handled earlier.

3.    The choice to love oneself is a daily practice. It starts with tuning into your feelings—when you feel pain, take it as an invitation to slow down (God knows I’m speedy Gonzales over here!). Take it as an invitation to ask yourself where the pain is coming from, and what it’s about. You’ll often hear a voice, a wise voice, directing you on what it needs from you or WHY it’s feeling off course. Listening to it and nurturing this part of you is everything.
 
I may love you, but you’ll never feel it if YOU don’t love you.

I finally get it. Do you?

Love,

Ash

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